this topic has been in my head since i arrived in china, but has been brought to the fore throughout my vacation last month - Paying for the bill.
it's actually a sticky issue when you get down to the nitty gritty of it, and one you have to consider carefuly. When I first arrived here in China I vowed i wouldn't let any of the local Chinese pay for my meals, or for anything else for that matter. This was because I knew how low wages were in China, especially for the friends and type of people i would be hanging out with (young and relatively junior in their careers). I wasn't expecting to be dining or hanging out with any fortune 500 CEO's or chinese government officials. Even though i'm not earning fantastic money here vs back home in aus, i'm still earning a decent wage for chinese standards. that, and my financial situation isn't dire. So the idea of having a local Ch
inese person pay for you just doesn't seem fair or right, well to me anyway.
inese person pay for you just doesn't seem fair or right, well to me anyway. But then you must consider the concepts of face and tradition. In asian, let alone mainland China culture, if you are a visitor you are not expected to pay for meals or small expenses, your host will happily pay for it all. It doesn't even matter if you host is younger than you or is a student who isn't even earning a wage yet. They won't accept your money. Of course they will also say that when they come to visit you in your hometown, you will pay for their way. But of course, realistically, how many of my friends here will ever have the opportunity to travel to australia?
It was even worse when i was travelling since i was meeting up with friends of friends who lived in my destination cities, whom i'd never met before. So not only had i just met these people, but they were also kind enough to take time out of their schedule to take me around and play tourguide. and they will still insist on paying the bill, every time.
A few times I managed to sneak in and pay the bill before my local friend could get to it, but I later realized it only makes them feel really bad, and in some way makes them lose face. Tradition is tradition. The other option of 'going dutch' or as they term here' A A ' , is also a bad option. If you ever try to pay back your share after they've paid for the bill, firstly they won't accept your money, and secondly they think that you never shout even your family or friends back home. i got that question once after trying to do this.
so you're between a rock and a hard place. try to pay back your share and feel sheepish, or secretly pay the bill before them and make them feel awful. the other option is to just let them pay without a fight and politely say thank you after they've settled the bill, but I can't do that. it is easier to do that when your host is a generation above you though. that, and you would seriously shame an uncle or aunty if you paid for them, creating an akward situation.
the other bad thing about this setup is that you know this dilemma is coming at the end of the meal, so if you are conscious about it you try not to order too much or anything too expensive! which really sucks because i don't like to hold back when it comes to new and exotic dishes!
so what to do? i found the best way is to get them a gift before or after. That or shout them other things on the way, without their consent (cuz they won't accept if you ask). If anyone has their own ideas or thoughts about this i'd love to hear them!
very well put :) growing up in china i definitely feel you. There's an (almost physical) back and fore tussle at the end of every family/friend visit (from my parents as to whether to accept their gift). The shouting part i think is more unspoken fact so locals usually would keep a tally of semi kudos points for how many meals each owes each other (i think there's now an app for that). Going dutch would of coz be ideal but only probably when the older generation have gone to heavens :)
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