Cereal box drivers licences

They say you can judge a country's true development by the way their motorists drive, and if this is the case, then sadly China has a long way to go before it can be considered as developed!

For starters any tom, dick or harry can get their licence here, for a small undisclosed additional 'fee' to the driving examiner. Almost all my students who have taken the exam have told me about this, explaining that if you don't bribe it's extremely hard to pass the driving test. I'd be fascinated to see how a driving instructor or trainer does drive though as I'm yet to see any sane drivers on the roads here, nor have  i seen anything resembling a 3-point turn or reverse parallel park. And how the hell would they conduct the test on the road anyway, when everyone around you is driving like a lunatic? why, if the examinee was to actually follow the rules it would surprise all the other drivers and cause an accident!

I do know though that the standard hand position on the steering wheel is not like the west. Rather than at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock positions, it's one hand on the horn and the other on your mobile phone, or dangling your cigarette out the side window. And that brings us to one of the funadamental differences in driving etiquette.

Where in the West, a honk means ''f*#k you where did you learn to drive?'' a honk here in China means  '' hello there, coming through'' or ''i'm approaching this intersection and i'm not slowing down for you'' or '' i'm approaching you from behind so don't make any of your erratic swerves as i overtake you at 100km an hour'' .  and for taxi's it means ''hey you look like you need a lift just cause your walking along the footpath'' . So as you can imagine the horning never stops on Chinese roads. In fact, I think it's the most utilized apparatus on the dashboard. Chinese drivers don't need to read their car manuals, just show them where the horn is and they'll know how to drive it.
So car-horns are really built to last in Asia. Or it makes you wonder if poor little car-horns in the West are never given a chance to truely express themselves, to clear their lungs. Destiny unfulfilled. How sad.

Naturally I've seen my fair share of accidents on the roads. Most of them haven't appeared to be serious, but i can never tell as i cruise past. In China i've heard that whenever an accident occurs both drivers will just get out in the middle of the road (leave their cars where they stop and block all other traffic), and have a shouting/screaming competition. Do they debate the finer points of the Chinese road rules? I doubt it. Probably more like who's the shitter driver. The funny thing is, usually they do come to some sort of agreement on comepnsation (so i've been told). Or perhaps whoever was scarrier, had the louder shouting voice, or had the stronger connections to a government official or gansters won the argument. Who knows?

I've also come across the sight of an accident where one lady was just lying on the road, conscious, probably after being hit by a passing car. Of course the car and had already sped off, but the screwed up thing was that nobody was going to her aid. Even after the case of the 2 year old Yue Yue came to light earlier this year, people here still refuse to go to the aid of people in the street, for fear of being later accused and sued for inflicting the injuries by the victim themselves. Sadly it's still happening here, as detailed in this article

http://www.chinasmack.com/2012/videos/surveillance-video-saves-good-samaritan-from-false-accusation.html

Finally, if you thought that staying off the roads means your safe, think again. Here in China most people still drive 电车 or electric motorbikes, and these horrid things can drive along anything, including footpaths, and get into any nook or cranny. What makes them especially deadly is that they hardly make any noise, so you won't hear one approaching or coming up behind you until they're right upon you. And at night it's even worse as riders are fond of keeping the lights turned off (to save power no doubt, because they don't understand the concept of kinetic energy). Just pray that the riders can see you properly and don't make any sudden sideways movements while you're walking along any footpath in China. I was prompted to write this entry as earlier today I came within a whisker of being mowed down by one of these things from behind. My casual padestrian swagger for an instant turned into a quick-step sideways dance to avoid being maimed. After composing myself I looked up to give the rider a dirty look as he drove past, but he had already turned his attention back to typing his text message as he cruised along the service road. This is China.